Crazy little attention starved kids reaking terror on me!!!

Alright, what is the deal with crazy little attention starved kids reaking terror on me by threatening my baby brother's school with bomb threats!!!! How horrible are you to do something that cruel? I'm sure the threats are from some ridiculous retard who just wants to get out of school....but they're freaking me out to the point of hysteria. Timmy's school has had two bomb threats this week. For those of you who don't know, my parents and little brother live in Sidney, Montana now....they moved there in August.....But it can't be blaimed on the school being in the states...my high school in Morden, MB had a bomb threat when I was in grade 12....I remember.....we were all moved to the civic center to wait out the afternoon while the cops surveyed the school, and the whole thing turned-out to be a prank call......When my mom called last week and said there'd been a bomb threat, I was thinking..."Yea, I had one in high school too....I'm sure it's nothing." But when there's two.....then, I start to freak out!!!! I will be praying that it is nothing and is never going to be anything....but, man it makes me think....how would God be able to hold me together if He let my brother be taken away from this planet? From how I feel right now, I would be a permanent puddle on the floor for who knows how long if I lost Timmy......ahhh, I do not know how nor do I want to think anymore about how to deal with something like this.......let's just pray that this is the last you hear about it from me.....I really feel like swearing profusely....

Ami

My very best friend Ami is in the city this weekend and we just spent the evening with her.....It was soooooooooo great! There are some people in this world that I appreciate so much. Every time that you're around them, you just feel better about yourself and life in general. I am certain that God intentionally wires us that way, to connect to each other. Obviously some connections are stronger than others and some are better than others. Ami is a good connection.....

Jay & I went to the downtown library last night and I took out 11 books!!!! That is actually, ridiculously typical for me. Jay only took out three. He also had to carry the books home for me, and says that he will not be carrying them back into the library until I have read them all!

I am up for the challenge! At times I have been a crazy book-aholic....but, for the last couple of years, reading has not come as easily for me.

I took out some fascinating titles though and I'm very much looking forward to reading them....

I will have to tell you all about it........when I actually do that!

BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT that I can already tell you! I read "The Fellowship of the Ring" in it's entirety a couple of weeks ago....... Althougth I am quite pleased with myself.....I do have to say that I'm thinking about reading it again before I move forward or backward with the series.....because I didn't write down a single quote......And generally, when I read something, and don't write anything down........I wasn't absorbing the information so that it meant anything to me......... I will blog about my even bigger accmoplishement once I've re-read the book with notetaking!!!

Another challege to myself that is connected: I've decided to seriously make at attempt at TV-free time in our house. Jay & I are obsessed with too many shows.......We watch, on a regular basis: American Idol, Grey's Anatomy, Smallville, The Apprentice, Survivor, The Amazing Race, Lost......and I watch every single awards show known to man!

Tonight, after Grey's was over, I emphatically declared to Jay that the rest of the evening should be TV-free.....and so it has been......he played some piano, I did some laundry, he cleaned the house a little, I spent some much overdue time with God.......and now I've had a ton of fun....blogging......

I plan on recording every day, how many hours were TV-free, when we were home & could have been watching TV......I will tally up the totals at the end of the weeks and each week, try to create more TV-free time. Maybe, after a few weeks, I really will have read all of those 11 books!!! Stay-tuned!

God & I finally had a hoe-down

I sat down in Momma Kim's chair this evening and I read my bible for the first time since October 10th.

Yes, that is over three months ago...

I've known that my spiritual life was in shambles....but, dating it like that really puts things into perspective.

I read Colossians 1-2:5. A few verses in chapter 2 really hit me:

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ. In whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." vs. 2-4)

I read these verses, they meant something to me.......I highlighted them & took my pen and made a box around them......and then the words impacted......and then I lost it completely.

If I read those verses, as if I am saying them.......I automatically go back to my Camp Directing self....and I automatically think of my staff and the campers.....and then I remember how heartbroken I am......

I know that God is the God of all things and that every event that comes to pass in life can be made for the good of those that love Him.....but I feel robbed. I can only now admit that I have pulled away from God these past few months because I am angry with Him.....I am angry with individuals who shall remain nameless who campaigned against Jay & myself and I am angry with myself for not being godly enough, for having leadership & spiritual flaws.....for not still being a leader to those staff and campers who meant so much to me. They are not mine, but when I read those verses in Colossians, they are automatically who I felt them for.

"My purpose......." "My purpose........" What is my purpose? I know what it was........ From May till mid-September, I was a Camp Director. My purpose was to lead and direct a meaningful ministry in an active environment where time is invested into our relationship with God all throughout the day, and His presence is really felt there. I know that when I read those words, "my purpose," that the first part of me that comes to mind is that part of me......the Camp Directing part.

I think that deep down, it's because those four months are what I am most proud of in my life. God worked through me during those four months. More than in any other part of my life, I let God work through me while we were at Luseland. And I can be bitter about the way the summer ended, and I can place blaim all over, but underneath all of that....underneath my being disappointed in myself for many, many things.......I can now admit to myself, that I am proud of what God accomplished through me at Luseland this summer......and I miss it........

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love....."

That really is the cry of a camp director's or mother's or minister's heart, isn't it? The verse is talking about the purpose of an individual, "My purpose..." yet, it then says, "is that they may be encouraged...." My purpose isn't to be encouraged myself.....the verse says, "My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love."

I am not a parent and I am not currently active in ministry.....but I know what it is like to have your purpose truly be that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love. That is what I prayed for and yearned for and cried for, every day......throughout the entire summer.

And there was one particular evening.....one evening, when I couldn't sleep because I knew that God wanted to do business with me. So I went to the office and I got out my bible and I read.....and all of a sudden, words and emotions and wisdom, started pouring out of me......and I wrote some of the most heartfelt words I have ever written....I wrote them to the staff......And in some of them, I addressed specific issues that were evident that I desparately believed I could relate to and convict them of and envoke change in....

Those letters are a part of why Jay & I are out of favor with our past roles as camp directors. They are only a part, but they absolutely started a string of painful and heartbreaking events.....in the end, we packed-up our car, alone, and fled......and the only place we could afford to go was Birch Hills. Ironically, we were there for four months......the exact same amount of time that was spent "working" on Luseland Camp.

Let me quote the entire passage again.....because, it means something to me. It meant something fierce to me tonight, something that opened-up a space in my soul that over the last few months was kept hidden............

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ. In whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom & knowledge."

As Christians in this day & age, we sing about the "Cry of our hearts." Right now, at this present momment......this is mine:

• To have a specific purpose acknowledged in my life


• For that purpose to include a ministry to others, specific others, a ministry that can be measured


• For those that I minister to, as well as myself.....to have the full riches of complete understanding


• For us to know the mystery of God


• And to catch a glimpse of the hidden treasures of wisdom & knowledge

The cry of my heart is to have a deep, flourishing relationship with God, to have a relationship with a group of people, likely youth, that means something to them in light of God, and to live out a purpose like what Paul is talking about in Colossians. I mean, when you think about it....Paul was just a man. He was an amazing Christian and leader......but he was just a man......and if he can write those words and mean them........regardless of them being God-breathed.......I know that I can.

........this is another reason to add to thousands, why I know that the Bible is real.....why I know that it is living & active.......because, I haven't read it in three months, I read it for five minutes, and it opens the floodgates in my soul..........WHAT OTHER BOOK IN THE WORLD HAS THE POWER TO DO THAT??!!!!!

Anyway......that's where I am tonight......how is everyone else?

Loving life in the city

Hello anyone who reads our blog!!!

We have been living in Saskatoon for 16 days now......and even though we haven't seen many of the people we still want to see or made hardly any of the plans we intend to make.....we've still had more of a social life than we've experienced in well, too long............

For those of you who didn't get an email from either Jay or I over Christmas, our new contact information is:

702 Balmoral Street

Saskatoon SK S7K 0Y8

(306) 343-7045

If you're not familiar with Balmoral Street.......we're on the corner of 7th Avenue, just off of Warman, in North Park. It's a cute little neighborhood.....I love it! We take Hesje for walks along the river, he's terrified of the bridges, which is hilarious! And for how small our little house is, it's still nice & cozy and feels like home.

We went to church at The Journeys today.....what an incredible service! The concept for the church is very unique.....I love that it exudes the intention to be in the world, in the community and not just floating around life like the useless Christians some of us are.....not making any difference to anybody.....

But God sure had Riley pack a punch.....I get all inspired and start making lists of all the things I'd love to DO for a change, things to make a difference.....and I'm getting all on-fire and excited, when he speaks up, saying that he feels some of us might be concentrating too much on being Marthas and not enough on being Marys....that some of us just need to actually spend some time with God!!!!!

What an earth-shattering idea!!!! Well, it was for me anyway.............Ask us the next time you talk to us or see us, if either Jay or I got off of our buts and followed through with that challenge.....I better say yes!